en-joy  

Permisul auto, de Dan Puric

22 07 2010 09:37

Dumnezeu, iubindu-mă, mă tot pune la felurite încercări ca să nu mă
plictisesc.
Aşa a fost şi cu şoferia. Ne-am luat şi noi maşină .
Atunci mi-a zis soţia că ar fi bine să-mi iau permis şi eu, că cine ştie, s-ar putea să fie nevoie vreodată să şofez.
Pentru mine, lucrul astă a venit prea tarziu, şi m-am dus la prima lecţie de şoferie cu emoţii de liceean, la un PECO, unde trebuia să mă întâlnesc cu instructorul.

Tremuram rău pe marginea trotuarului, ca la bacalaureat, şi îl aşteptam. Cel mai bun lucru era că omul nu mă cunoştea.
A venit cu o Dacia de pe vremea lui Ceauşescu, căreia, când i-a pus o frână, chiar în faţa mea, i-au sărit şuruburile pe jos. Le-a adunat tacticos şi le-a pus la locul lor, ignorându-mă.
Era mecanicul absolut, la întâlnirea cu imbecilul absolut.
Locul mortului.
Nea Ilie era plin de vaselină şi avea un fes slinos pe cap. M-a citit
din prima, şi-a dat seama cu cine are de-a face.
Daca m-ar fi cunoscut, mi-ar fi spus: <Vai, maestre, ce onorat sunt să vă fiu eu instructor!>
Când mi-a zis, fără să se uite la mine: <Bă , asta e cheia!>, am îngheţat.
<Fii atent, a continuat el, ambreiajul este tata, frâna este mama, iar
acceleraţia este copilul tâmpit care aleargă până ce dă cu capul în
prima maşină.>
Absolut genial!
Apoi îmi spune scurt: <Treci în locul meu!>
Eu, speriat: <Lasă-mă, nene, c ă n-am mai pus în viaţa mea mâna pe aşa ceva>.
El: <Bă, tu nu te-ai săturat s ă stai pe locul mortului şi să te conducă toţi tâmpiţii?>
Şi atunci m-am gândit să strig şi eu la poporul român:
<Popor român, nu te-ai săturat să stai pe locul mortului şi să fii condus de toţi tâmpiţii?>
Era o adevarată resuscitare, domnule!
Ş i îmi tot repeta: <Hai, hai, învaţă să conduci!>
Ceea ce a urmat a fost incredibil. M-a scos direct în trafic.
Şi eu trebuia să am mâna pe volan, pe chei, pe schimbătorul de viteze, trebuia să mă uit în cele două oglinzi, dar şi în ochii lui.
<Unde te duci, măăă? Nu vezi unde mă bagi? O calci pe baba aia! Nu te uiţi în spate? Vezi, băă, că intră ălă în tine!>
Şi m-a ţinut aşa, de îngheţam şi transpiram tot, doua zile la rând! Nu
mai eram sănătos! Nici un rol, în viaţa mea, nu m-a solicitat atât de
mult, şi nu m-a adus într-o asemenea stare.
În a treia zi s-a liniştit de tot.
Stătea bătrânul cu o mână pe volan şi cu fesul pe ochi.
Dormea, domnule!
<Înseamn ă că am început să conduc bine>, mi-am zis.
Crucea Sfântului Andrei .
Nu l-aţi văzut pe Puric, disperatul, între Maestrul său dormind şi traficul din Bucureşti.
Si, târându-mă încet-încet, am trecut pe lâng ă un cimitir. Atunci Maestrul a deschis ochii:
<Bă, vezi? Aici e o fostă elevă de-a mea!>
Mie mi-a îngheţat coloana vertebrală.
<În cimitir?>
<Pai da! Nu e singură, e cu soţul!>
<Cum a ajuns acolo?>
<Tot aşa, bă , ca şi tine, nu a oprit la Crucea Sfântului Andrei , aia
pe unde trece trenul. Păi, băă, când vezi o cruce, nu te opreşti să te
închini? Treci ca animalul? Ce-o fi cu graba asta, că tot acolo ajungi!>
Omul ăsta m-a creştinat pe mine, teologul lui peşte.
Avea dreptate! Când vezi Crucea Sfântului Andrei, te uiţi în dreapta
şi nu crezi nici măcar în ăla de-ţi face semn cu steagul, că e ţara
plină de proşti.
Vei învaţa să conduci când vei şti să te fereşti de proşti, nu când vei şti legea !"

Permisul auto, de Dan Puric

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primit pe email

vizite: 20642 redactor: Admin in Diverse

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